Pain comes in many disguises. Sometimes, even good things can feel like pain if all you have had is abuse and destruction in your life. Our natural response is to avoid the wrenching of hurt any way possible.
As a child, Carolyn Jones was a runner. Coming from a split family, she learned early that she had the option to get out of a situation she didn’t like. When things got hard in one house, with her mother and step-father, she would run to her father and step-mom’s house. Later, she learned that running didn’t have to be physical, but could take many other forms.
The girls at StreetLight Phoenix have learned this lesson as well through their own experiences. Typically, they have already been abused, neglected, violated and considered as “throwaways” by their families, long before getting out on the street. They run away from home because they believe their lives are unbearable, thus becoming vulnerable to the sweet talk of a pimp who finds and “rescues” them within 48 hours.
Once a girl is under the control of the pimp, through mind games and manipulation and/or brute force, she may not be able to physically run away, but the horrors of the Life are so devastating that she finds other ways to take herself out of the pain. Drugs and alcohol are common tools of avoidance; others include becoming a tough girl, stuffing the pain and shame, building a wall of emotional numbness, wearing a mask, or becoming depressed and suicidal.
When this child or teen comes to StreetLight Phoenix, she brings with her the coping skills she has needed for her whole life. Only now, she is faced with something totally foreign and extremely frightening. Unconditional love and respect from the caregivers and a measure of freedom can feel incredibly overwhelming and confusing to a girl who has been trapped and trampled upon. Every day, she will struggle with the temptation to run away–emotionally and physically. The draw to return to the pimp, even with all the rapes and beatings and deprivations, is strong because it is familiar and matches what is now her self-image.
She is always questioning the motives of the benefactors, seeking to push them away before they can reject her. Why are you being nice to me? What do you want from me? What is this going to cost me? When will you turn on me, and abuse/reject/abandon me, just like all the others? Why don’t you treat me the way I deserve?
When Carolyn mentors these young ladies, she knows that behind the tough façade and lack of trust is a broken, scared, deeply wounded little girl. She tells them she isn’t focused on all their ways and reasons for running. Rather, she asks, “What is at StreetLight that keeps you here? What has captured that tiny spot of hope in your heart that allows you to connect with this place and these people? That is worth holding on to, even though it means needing to feel the pain of the moment.”
“The drugs and alcohol and all the other ways of avoiding the pain will one day stop working. Then life hits for what it really is, and you have tried everything to escape. You find there is nothing left to do but call out to God. He is the only solution, the only way out of the hell that is your life. The only way to true freedom, true joy, true peace, true love is Jesus Christ.”
Carolyn and the StreetLight staff are available to talk to your church or group about the issue of child sex trafficking and the work of StreetLight Phoenix. Connect with us to request a speaker.
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